Developers Shouldn't Use Cliff Notes.

Right off the bat, I should say that I'm really enjoying Castlevania: Lords of Shadow so far. I've only just started chapter 2, but I'm currently appreciating the slow-burn of both the game play and story. Be that as it may, I've already found my first brow-furrowing moment in the game. Ever heard of Shadow of the Colossus?

Well, the dudes at Konami sure have. The first boss fight in the game is, well, a rip-off from SotC. I don't say "complete rip-off" because the experience of actually fighting it isn't anywhere near as awesome as every encounter was in the PS2 classic. The fight in Castlevania is a dumbed-down version of the structure SotC used, but with a couple ground attacks thrown your way every now and then. Tell me if this sounds familiar:

First, you have to wait for the titan to slam his fist hard enough into the ground so that it gets stuck. When that happens, you run over to his fist and grab onto it, holding down the "grip" button so as to not fall off. You then proceed along the titan's body until you get to the round, glowing symbol, so that you can stab the shit out of it. Repeat on a couple more parts of its body, and you're done.

Yea, it's basically the Cliff Notes version of fighting a colossus. I could assume that someone on the development team just wanted to pay homage to a great game, and that would be relatively fine with me, I guess. But if you're going to steal from something, STEAL from it. Don't do a half-assed job.

A big reason the titan fight feels like a rush job is because your hand is held the entire time. Right when its fist gets stuck in the ground, the part you're supposed to latch onto starts glowing. Just as you begin holding the "grip" button, the titan's arm raises up and the next section for you to jump to glows like the last. There's not really any exploration or figuring out how to get around on its body; it's a shame, since those moments really stood out in SotC, and probably could have in Castlevania.

I ultimately came away from the fight with a better understanding of why no one has tried imitating SotC before now. It's hard to do well, and is made even harder by the fact that SotC isn't concerned with a lot of things other games are concerned with. SotC relies on atmosphere and implication for narrative; Castlevania's story is told in a similar vein to other action games. SotC's main game play mechanic involves giant, moving puzzles for the player to solve; Castlevania has multitudes of enemies, levels, combat, and bosses to take into consideration. What it all boils down to is the fact that such a boss design should at least be on par with its source material, or we're all just wasting our time and effort. I could go kill 15 other, better ones instead of a shitty retread.

I'm still enjoying the game, so I'll try to talk about some of the stuff I like next time. There's actually quite a lot.

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Level 3.

No, that's not the name of the game pictured above. Instead, it's how far I leveled up in Fragile Dreams before I decided to shit-can it from my collection. Why? It's quite simple, actually: the combat really, really sucked. Like, really. "Oh, but if you can muster enough strength to power through the combat parts, the rest of the game is a lot better," some might say to me. Sorry, but I shouldn't have to muster the strength to get through a game. If I'm not convinced I should even be holding the controller, it's a safe bet I shouldn't be. It's a shame, though, because everything besides the gameplay was working for me. The atmosphere was foreboding and desolate; the score hit all the right notes; the story had a lot of potential; and yet I traded it in after only about two hours of game time. Sad day.

OK, so, the combat. Not one aspect of it did anything for me. I started off with a stick, and I hit some dogs over the head with it. Fair enough. But then I hit some floating jellyfish with it. Then I found a bamboo sword and hit some dogs and jellyfish with it. Then my bamboo sword broke, so I switched back to the stick. Then it broke, as well. As it turns out, a broken stick was the last weapon I was able to wield before I gave up, and that doesn't sit right with me. Oh, well, I guess, because maneuvering around borderline-retarded enemy A.I. that have the worst dodging abilities known to man or computer didn't really make me want to find a better weapon. Take the dogs, for example. When you hit them, they automatically jump backwards, no matter where they are. So my main plan of attack was to always angle my swing towards a wall or object in the environment, that way when they jumped back, they didn't actually move. Instead of the dog leaping out of harm's way, it just backwards-dry-humped the wall while I beat it in the face. Not how I would like to go out, but I'm not a post-apocalyptic canine that appears into, and disappears from existence whenever a human being walks past me.

The way weapons break in Fragile Dreams is just about the stupidest thing on the planet. Apparently, there's no formula to follow or weapon HP to keep track of. Shit just breaks sometimes. And I can say from experience that my only two weapons (which sucked anyways) both broke shortly after about an hour of playing. If the developers wanted to force people to use different weapons, hey, I'm all for it. But they can't make it happen by random chance. Theoretically, then, it could break after the first time I used it. There's no strategy or brainpower needed to play along with that scenario; it's called shitty design. And compounding the brain-dead weapon system is the fact that it can be overly-cumbersome to aim and successfully hit enemies sometimes. If I press down on the nunchuk, I would normally expect my character to turn towards the camera. Oh, no. Not in Fragile Dreams. It works similarly to Silent Hill: Origins, only less-so. I had to maneuver the flashlight with the Wii-mote in order to face the enemy I wanted to hit, and it got obnoxious pretty quickly when I was whiffing half of the time, only to get hit for 50 damage from a fucking jellyfish. Why are there floating jellyfish? I don't know. And I didn't mention this before, but why are there person-less pants with blue flames instead of upper torsos laughing at me? I don't know, but whatever.

The main point I want to drive home here is that the first few hours in a game are arguably the most important. And with a game like Fragile Dreams, I was looking forward more to the adventuring aspects than the combat. What I found, however, was that the world made me want to push forward, but the game itself kept holding me back. It's one reason I can't stand most JRPGs, but I thought this one could have been different. Sure, it could have been, but the gameplay is sadly but surely stuck in the same boring and tedious level-grind mentality that plagues pretty much all the games I hate. So, in the end, hate wins out again. This is one giant victory for hate.


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And Now, For Something Completely Different.

Going directly from Bioshock 2 to Heavy Rain is jarring. Both games seem to have clear purposes, but their implementations couldn't be any different. One is philosophical in nature and hits on what it means to be part of human society, and the other is, in part, about a family tragedy. Bioshock makes you think, while Heavy Rain makes you feel.

I only played for a couple of hours, but the most startling thing about Heavy Rain so far is its capacity to move me. The game starts as everyone's morning usually does: getting out of bed. Only it's not a cut scene. I used the right analog stick to manually rise out of bed, go to the bathroom, take a shower and get dressed. From there, I went downstairs and drank a cup of coffee before the wife and kids got home from shopping. One of them was having his birthday party later in the afternoon, and the gameplay consisted of getting some things ready for the party. After that was done, I went outside and had some fun playing in the backyard with the kids. This might sound boring to some, but it was an epiphany for me. The emotional strings are going to be pulled tightly with this game. Never have I projected my wants and desires so fully onto a digital world, and that was only within the first fifteen minutes. The only reason it's not revolutionary is because Quantic Dream tried the same kinds of visual tricks and gameplay with Indigo Prophecy, but the emotional impact was nowhere near as profound as the opening of Heavy Rain was for me. So, evolutionary seems to fit a lot better. The one thing that was noticeable for me right away, though, is the sometimes-awkward voice acting. The line delivery isn't always good, which is odd for a game that thrives on believability in terms of characters. But it's not nearly enough to really pull me out of the moment, at least so far.

After a bit of foreshadowing involving telling my son that death is something that just happens even if we don't want it to, I got the feeling everything was just too perfect. This family is everything I now want in life, but Heavy Rain being a thriller about a serial killer, I was waiting for the other ball to drop. And drop, it did. Once tragedy hit, I found myself in control of a completely different character. For the moment, I'll just say that all the characters I've played as so far have their own immediate draws to them. It's late and I need some sleep, so I'll save more of my impressions for later. But holy hell, this game is impressive. It's looking like my 2-plus years of waiting won't be for naught.

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Introducing the Pii.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

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Visiting An Old Friend.

Bioshock is one of the greatest games I've ever played. I remember the sheer awe and wonderment I felt when I found myself swimming through a sea of fire towards the lighthouse; I was at once both scared and excited, apprehensive about entering Rapture yet compelled to get there as soon as possible. Once I was under the sea, the destroyed beauty of Rapture became a source of instant bliss. Not only the architecture, but also its decaying denizens served as a giant societal and philosophical warning against unrestrained ambition. It was a microcosm of an alternate universe plagued with vanity too large to be contained in the tiny jar it was held in. And when my journey was over, it lingered in my mind for quite a long time. What moral implications were held within the trappings of the game's story? Why did Rapture crumble under its own weight? Those questions and more still swim around inside my head, and two-and-a-half years later, I'm finally able to go back to the source of all those thoughts and questions. It feels like I never left.

I've purposefully stayed away from pretty much all media related to Bioshock 2, and I'm glad I did. I don't know anything about where the story is going, except for a few early clues. The new leadership in Rapture seems to be heading in the exact opposite direction of Andrew Ryan, and that makes me extremely happy. Obviously, Ryan's brand of Objectivist Capitalism didn't quite work out, so bolting to the extreme other end of the spectrum makes a lot of sense. Since the development team isn't the same one that worked on the original game, I don't know how much cohesion the story will have when it's all said and done, but I have a generous amount of faith in them. Ken Levine might not have been helming the project this time around, but the foundations he built are strong. Very strong.

That's Ken Levine's hand on the left.

I was wondering if 2K was going to try one-upping themselves during the opening of the game, but thankfully, they didn't. For sure, there are shocks to be had, but there's nothing artificial about the events that are transpiring. There's no overblown scene showing how much bigger and better this game is going to be over its predecessor. The saga is simply continuing. And right away, I feel at home in Rapture. If anything, it looks even more dilapidated than I remember it, but that could just be due to my time away from the game. Either way, Rapture is still falling apart, but one thing has changed for me. The sense of dread isn't quite the same as it was before. Being a Big Daddy with a huge drill arm sort of takes away the feeling of helplessness the first game so expertly afflicted me with. Even so, it didn't lessen my actual enjoyment of playing. I was instantly transported back to 2007, when my mouth gaped wider with every step forward.


I don't want to talk too much about the gameplay yet, but one thing I do want to mention is a sequence where I had to walk around the ocean floor to get from one wing of Rapture to another. I wouldn't say I ever felt nervous about being out in the open, but my mind traded fear for amazement. The sequence wasn't very long, and it wasn't particularly open for exploration, but being able to walk among the seaweed and fish while taking in the far-off sights of skyscrapers without the visual restriction of glass and steel was breathtaking. It's something I had always wanted to do since the first time I turned the original game on, and it was everything I had envisioned. I'm giddy with excitement to get home and start playing, and this whole weekend is going to be filled with like emotions.

Also, I would like to kiss Ken Levine. Total man-crush.
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Immersion Factor OVER 9000?!?!?

It's not often a game pulls me in so completely. So completely, in fact, that I'm going to declare Silent Hill: Shattered Memories one of the most immersive games I've ever played. Every aspect is designed to make the player feel like they are part of the world, and it's working on me hook, line and sinker.

I'm not going to go into all the details just yet; I'll save that for when I've finished the game. Instead, I want to focus on a single mechanic: Harry's cell phone. When you hit the minus button on the Wiimote, Harry will take out his phone and hold it up to the screen. There are 9 menu items to pick from, including saving your game, dialing a number of your choice, listening to/reading messages, and using the phone's camera. There are phone numbers written all over the town, and if you dial one of them, you'll get some kind of an answer. It may just be an answering machine, but an answer nonetheless. And the genius part comes in once you hit "call". Not content to simply let Harry hold the phone up to his ear in the game, the developers decided to have the player do the same. The audio from the phone comes in through the Wiimote speaker, and let me tell you, it only adds about 985, 543% to feeling like you're really in Silent Hill. I almost said "hello" the first time I answered a call, and I did one of those things where you look at your phone, put it back to your ear, look at it again, put it back to your ear, etc. It's so wondrously simple an idea, yet its effect is monumental.

As I said, you can also choose to whip out the built-in camera. Doing so will cause Harry to hold it sideways, and you can take a picture of any and everything you want to. And just like talking on the phone, there's a little extra bit of immersion added to the camera. The phone's screen actually has the distortion and lag that real camera phones have, and walking around with it in the middle of your field of view makes everything seem even more disturbing. It's another small, genius move that puts a stupid grin on my face. Of course, there is an actual use for the camera besides taking random pictures of the game world. At times, you'll be prompted in some fashion to take out the camera. When you take a picture of a certain area, you'll get a voicemail or text sent to you from different people. It hasn't happened to me a lot yet, so I don't know the full extent of this part of the gameplay. Regardless, it's yet another use of the engrossing phone mechanic.

Even only a couple hours in, I already have so much more I want to talk about, but I'll hold my tongue until (probably) this weekend when I finish the game. I've heard it's relatively short, but I think I'm done measuring a game's worth in hours. The experience is what I'm after, not a mathematical division of hours played and dollars paid. So, yea. Silent Hill: Shattered Memories. Great stuff.

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Penumbra: Overture.....Totally Fucked Up.

Observe, if you will, the difference between MY opening scene in Penumbra: Overture vs. the walkthrough on Youtube.



Youtube: skip to the 5:20 mark for this:

Looks normal enough, right?

My playthrough:

wait....what? THAT'S NOT RIGHT. FUCK YOU, PENUMBRA.

Yea....not much else for me to say. Sucks.

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The "Airport Level" and Other Musings in Modern Warfare 2 or, What's the Big Deal?

So a friend spontaneously brought over his copy of Modern Warfare 2 tonight, and I played it for a couple of hours or so. I must say, my initial impression of the game doesn't do it any favors. You can say I'm just hating all you want, but I honestly haven't found the experience rewarding enough to warrant a purchase up to this point. For clarity's sake, I just finished the "Wolverines" mission, and I'm playing on Veteran difficulty (which I do for all CoD games).

Now I'm not saying there's a full-on outrage over the airport scenario, but I did read a few articles talking about how controversial it is. Really? I don't see that at all. What makes this thing so different than, say, Kane and Lynch? Or Grand Theft Auto 4? You could say the GTA series has built itself on scenes just like the one in Modern Warfare 2. Sure, Rockstar is no stranger to "controversy", but I can only take so much faux outrage before I throw up my hands and surrender to stupidity. Does the controversy stem from the player being forced to act as a terrorist? I can say that I didn't personally gun down a single civilian in the airport, but I had to protect myself against the S.W.A.T. team with riot shields. Can you name another game that put you in the same scenario? If you said one out of about 800 games, you're probably correct. I just don't see why this even made the news.

My gripe comes in two parts: the situation is set up so poorly that it defies all pretenses of realism and relies solely on shock value, and it also feels like a feeble attempt by Infinity Ward to one-up either themselves or Treyarch in terms of creating the next "wow" moment. No one can honestly argue that this dumb shit is portrayed realistically at all. You're telling me that 3 or 4 armed men would be able to walk into an airport in this day and age and gun down hundreds of people, including S.W.A.T. and police officers, and make a clean getaway? If your answer is yes, then you are full of shit. Sorry. The whole thing is so ludicrous from start to finish that I mostly found myself rolling my eyes and making that "wtf" motion with my hands as I watched dozens upon dozens of people being murdered in a supposedly high security area with no repercussions until we made it to the runway area of the airport. Even then, it was a simple matter of grenading the shit out of the opposition until a suitable path was made through them.


In my mind, in order to make something like that in any way controversial, there has to be an underlying context that warrants emotional investment. You just don't get anything like that in Modern Warfare 2. There's a level of detachment which I find uncanny in its knack for making me not give a shit. Who are you playing as in the airport? I don't know - it's just some dude. What sacrifices did you have to make to infiltrate such a disgusting operation? I don't know - it's just some dude. The stunning lack of context in this game makes it nigh impossible for me to connect with the story in any way. And with that, I'd like to talk about the last mission I took part in: "Wolverines".

First of all, this mission reeks of WWII. I can't be led to believe anything but nostalgia for Infinity Ward's pre-modern era style of games is to blame for being impressed by this. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, you're telling me that I'm supposed to believe any of what's going on is a semblance of reality? There are cargo planes lazily drifting along in the air while hundreds of dudes with parachutes float around like this was still the 1940s. Really? This is, as close as analogies allow, Invasion U.S.A.: The Game. If the baddies came across by means of speedboats and 18-wheelers, the effect would be the same. Modern Warfare 2 is the video game equivalent of a big, dumb 80s action movie. What possible redeeming qualities could it hold? So far, the only thing I can say that I appreciate about it is its graphical prowess and fantastic presentation (rock-solid framerate included). But with so many shooters out there, I need to get something more out of a game. Yes, the gameplay is pretty much as good as it gets, but what's my motivation? Does that sound pretentious? The question itself might be, but at this stage in my life, I'm not impressed by snazzy effects and shock narratives. It's a sad state of affairs when a storyline like this can pass for entertaining. This game is the epitome of that whole "we fight them over there so we don't have to fight them here" line of horseshit that certain people tried to feed us. I'll play the game to completion, but I'm really only getting superficial satisfaction out of it. Oh, well, Bioshock 2 comes out in about 3 months.

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Well Then, Thriftweed....

Have you ever been in a situation where you're with a group of friends and they're all talking about a specific, awesome thing, and the only sentence you can contribute to the conversation is along the lines of "I never did that." Well, take out the group of friends and an actual conversation, and you end up with my situation. I feel like I've missed out on something amazing for the last 15 or so years. I never gamed on my family computer when I was young, and man, did I ever miss out. Playing The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition on Xbox 360 is like discovering a lost world where humor was genuine and characters were interesting. The complexity of the world isn't the most important thing; so far, in the first 7% of the game, pretty much everything has been instantly memorable. I can't say that for the first 7% of a lot of more modern games. I wish those very same, graphically intense modern games instilled this sense of awe and curiosity in me. I love you, Tim Shafer (yes, I know other people worked on it as well).

The game starts out with the main character, Guybrush Threepwood, telling some dude that he wants to be a pirate. Fair enough, I figured. I, too, want to be a pirate. So, right off the bat I have something in common with Monkey Island. The mysterious dude tells Guybrush to go to the local tavern in order to converse with the pirates within. Guybrush then sets off, and your adventure with him begins. I haven't really done anything in the game yet, but in the 51 minutes I spent with it so far, my mouth was almost permanently fixed in a full-on grin.

I'd like to acknowledge all the work that went into making this edition of the game. You can press the "back" button at any time during play to instantly switch between the revamped version and the original. The difference is striking - not only visually, but also in the full voice work that accompanied the graphical overhaul. Both aspects are impressive and worthy of all the praise in the world. I can already tell that I'm in for a damn good time, and I have absolutely no idea where this story is going to take me. Like I said, I never got the chance to play games like these when they were brand-spanking new, so right now I'm like a kid in a candy store. I guess for that analogy to work, the candy would have to be 15 years old. And I would also have to enjoy eating rotting food. Forget the analogy and focus on how awesome The Secret of Monkey Island really is:

The opening 10 minutes or so of the game. Epic, really.

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"That's a Navy Seal campfire if I ever saw one."

The quote I used for my title is uttered by the main character....Dwayne? Chris?....I don't know his name, but that was the first thing that came to his mind when he saw burnt ash and smoke coming from the ground. Fucking A - you can't make 'em like a Navy Seal. Someone's skull is probably at the base of that campfire. I think my brain is now capable of thinking like Dutch in Predator.

Please, do read on.

In case you were wondering, the game I'm talking about is Jurassic: The Hunted. What? You've never heard of that game? Wow, that comes as such a shock to me. You see, it appears that Activision decided to publish it, despite the fact it didn't put any marketing behind it whatsoever. It's a budget title that released November 3rd for $39.99, but if Activision had its way, I guess you would never know even that much about it. Why? I don't know. It probably has something to do with Bobby Kotick being a fucking tool.

Meanwhile, back in reality, Jurassic: The Hunted is a pretty damn cool game. Yes, the title is pretty stupid and the box art makes it look like a light gun game from 1996. Despite that, it's a relatively unique FPS experience that is highly in danger of going under every single person's radar until it's made obscure by both time and the sheer volume of shooters on the market. But what makes it cool? Well, it sure as shit isn't the fact that it's published by Activision. If you read this blog at all, you'd know that I hate them. I hate them so much, in fact, that I'm currently under a boycott of all their games. Well, until now. You see, this is EXACTLY the kind of game I want to spend my dollars on. And if there were ever a reason to give Activision money, it would be to reward them for publishing a game like this. I bought this game new, and I'm proud of it. But enough politics - what's the actual game like?


Well, for starters, I'll get some of the budget-obvious stuff out of the way. I've only played a couple of hours so far, but I think I have a pretty good handle on how the game feels. One of the first things that clues you in on this being a budget title is the music. The ambient soundtrack is really good; it's suitably creepy, but nice to listen to at the same time. However, when a dinosaur comes into view, a generic rock track suddenly kicks in. Once you kill the dino, the song disappears just as suddenly as it appeared. Scripting like that is just a small indicator of the budget-consciousness of the developers. It's by no means horribly distracting, but it is noticeable. Also, when you switch weapons, you have to wait for the animation to finish before you can go to your next weapon. Again, it's a very minor gripe, but worth noting. If you're used to flipping though your arsenal like a crack fiend in fast-forward, then you might give up a curse word or two. But the rest of humanity can suffer through that slight annoyance. The last critique I have is with the voice acting. But, honestly, I don't know if it's a critique so much as it is an asset. Basically, it's so fucking bad that I think it's intentional. It sets itself up as some sort of sci-fi B-movie. If that was the goal, then mission accomplished. If the developers were trying to be serious with the material, then they just crashed into the fail boat head-on. But either way, we as gamers win. In my mind, whether or not they intended it to be hilarious, it nonetheless is fantastically bad. So that's up to you as to whether it's a plus or minus. It's a plus in my book.

So, now, on to the positives, of which there are plenty. The first thing that struck me were the visuals. Like I said, Jurassic: The Hunted is a budget title, but by the looks of it, you could hardly notice. The textures are surprisingly crisp, even up-close. I dare say they're even better than some full-priced games with highly-touted graphics. Maybe not on the technical side, but artistically, this game goes above and beyond the call of duty (pun intended). To put it plainly, the game oozes atmosphere. The air is thick with anticipation as to when a huge dino is going to spring out of the brush and into your face. Speaking of into your face, there's one thing that this game does not do that another recent dinosaur shooter decided was a fantastic way for players to waste their time: being continuously knocked on their ass by enemies, only to be killed while trying to simply stand up again. Yes, Turok, fuck you. So far, Jurassic: The Hunted is much, much better than Turok. And if random people on Youtube are to be believed, this game also doesn't have annoying human distractions. It's all about dinosaur slaughter. But I've played a couple of hours, so that's second-hand information at this point.


One other cool feature of the game is the slo-mo shooting. Yes, I'm well aware that slow motion is OOLLLLDDD NEWWWSSSS. I know Max Payne came out like 10 years ago or some shit. But I think it's implemented in a very streamlined way that enhances the gameplay while at the same time not feeling like a gimmick. There is a small meter on the bottom left-hand side of the screen that indicates how much slo-mo juice you have. When the meter is full, you'll get maybe 5 seconds of slo-mo out of it. Yes, that's it. There are no upgrades for the power; 5 seconds is all you get. And that's precisely what I like about it. The mechanic seems designed to be a supplement to the normal shooting; if you maneuver around and get a good side angle on an enemy, you can pop slow-mo and take one shot for the kill. Whenever you enter the magical world of half-speed, you can also see the dino's skeletal structure and vital organs. If you aim for the vitals, you'll have a much better chance of killing them. So the mechanic, at least for me, works like a sort of headshot. Get the angle, pop the slo-mo, shoot the vitals and your enemy drops. It's instantly gratifying without even needing to upgrade and get a longer duration out of it. Awesome.

The quicker you finish reading this article, the quicker you can go buy the game, so I'll make these couple of points quickly. The game is obviously linear, but I never felt like I was being funneled though a tunnel. The environments have a little bit of space to them, so whenever I'm in an encounter, I can always run around the area and get good bearings on myself and my enemies. For comparison with another budget title, Legendary gets it all wrong. Oh, wow, that rubble fell in the exact pattern of a pathway for me to follow until I reached a suitably shitty encounter with a minotaur that only charged at me head-on without any other attacks whatsoever. Fuck, that game blew. Jurassic: The Hunted, at least so far, utilizes its space well and just lets the enemy encounters happen. Dinosaurs will run at you and constantly try to leap at you, but you can get out of their way, and if need be, run away like a puss until you get a good angle on them. If you question the difference between these dinosaurs and Legendary's minotaur, I wouldn't fault you. But the difference is in believability. I sincerely believe these assholes are jumping at me and trying to kill me. The minotaur in Legendary was just following a line of sight and bumbling towards me. Big difference.


The last cool feature I'll mention is the weaponry. Due to some amazingly contrived plot sequences, you have access to both modern and old-school guns. See, you're in the Bermuda Triangle, and that place is like a time-warp. One minute you're in the present, and the next you're in 1941. Based on that information, it would seem logical that your inventory might consist of a BAR next to a semi-auto pistol. As I mentioned, you can't take the plot seriously. Instead, you really just need to embrace the fact that the game lets you have guns from different time periods at the same time, and go kick some fucking dinosaur ass. It's that simple. Are you up for it? If not, then go play some god damned Modern Warfare 2. It released today, or so I'm told.


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Conduit Impressions

Let's get this right out of the way. There are sooooo many other FPS games with similar plots. There are sooooo may other FPS games that offer a robust multiplayer mode. The Level design won't blow you away....hallway....open room....bad guys...shoot....repeat over and over. Many games in the genre also look a lot better than what you will get with Wii's "The Conduit", however this little gem boasts one of the most immersive customizable control schemes you have ever played on any system..........period.

I have spent about three hours with the campaign mode so far and it has been an absolute joy to play. There is a huge learning curve while you get use to the motion controls, but once you do.....you'll be pulling off head shots and chucking grenades with relative ease. The big hook in the game is the aforementioned control scheme. Moving a little too slow....change it...don't like where the re-load button is....change it. For the most part, there is no control layout that is set in stone. I've never had such a good time tweaking my controller options in a video game until now. When you are in the menu screen making adjustments you basically stay in the game while taking no damage from enemies. This allows you customize on the fly and should be THE standard for any FPS in the future to follow.

Before the Wii came out, people were anticipating the very thing that High Voltage has created with "The Conduit." An immersive FPS built from the ground up with the Wii waggle in mind. They have proved that it can be done........and done beautifully I might add. Now I still love my standard controller, however it's nice to have something different on the menu when I'm craving that type of experience. If the Wii is your only console.....it is simply a no brainer purchase.

I totally praise High Voltage for what they have accomplished. Now I will admit they did sacrifice things like enemy a.i. and interesting levels, but their focus on making the controls truly exceptional outweigh the shortcomings. Future projects from this developer are already making this Wii owner totally giddy with excitement.

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First Impressions: Velvet Assassin (Xbox 360)

I really haven't played much of the game yet, so this will be pretty short. I believe I'm three levels in, and so far I'm very happy with it. For starters, it looks great. I can't even think of anything wrong with the graphics off the top of my head, and honestly, I was pleasantly surprised by that. In fact, I don't even remember who developed the game, and I wasn't expecting it to look or feel like a triple-A game. But so far it does, so.....more power to whoever the fuck made it.

If you didn't know, Velvet Assassin is a stealth game. And it's pretty traditional so far, but in a good way. You basically go through the different environments (which, as I said a second ago, are beautiful) and try to be as sneaky as possible. Stealth kills are super easy to execute, as they're done by simply pressing A when you get close enough to an enemy. The whole screen turns red, and once you execute the move, it's not pretty. I stabbed a man in the crotch and then immediately went for a major artery somewhere around the shoulder/neck area. I've slit a bunch of throats. I stabbed another man in the face. It's brutal stuff, and it's fucking satisfying, to say the least. You occasionally get to use firearms, but ammo is scarce and it's pretty tough to aim with any kind of precision. But that's the point of a stealth game, isn't it? If you were given the controls of, say, Call of Duty, then what would be the point of trying to be all stealthy? Exactly.

The narrative is told as a flashback as the game's protagonist, Faith, is lying in a hospital bed (I think). That's all I remember, actually. Like I said, I'm not very far in the game, and I haven't really settled in with the story or begun to feel a flow or groove yet. But I like the presentation, and there's a dark tone that hopefully will continue throughout the entire game. I need to play more, but I'm juggling three games at once right now: this one, The Longest Journey, and Armed & Dangerous. Land Shark Gun FTW. Anyways, I'll have more thoughts on Velvet Assassin when I'm done, but for now, it's off to a great start.


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Killzone 2: quite simply....baaadaaaaassss!

I do not profess to be some some sort of expert gaming guru. My years of reading Gameinformer on the shitter or checking the latest 1UP post does not qualify me to tell you about about pop-in, grain, or anything else you techno-wannabe-whores out there may want to hear about. I'm just your average joe gamer, but I know video game bliss when I play it! In the couple of hours I have spent with it, KZ2 has smashed me in the balls with the fun hammer and all I can say is.......more please!

We all know the game looks fan-fuggin-tastic, but beauty alone does not make a game great. I'm also no FPS authority so I realize that some hardcore enthusiasts may have some trouble with the slightly slower control scheme. To this I must simply say "fuck off and return to the kid's table to play Ha-blow with all the other 12 year olds!" Fighting the Hellghast and using the cover system to set up your "killzone" is a blast! I also love the fact that you are basically only allowed one major weapon at a time. I tend to try to stick to guns that I love, but here comes KZ2 with a big F-U you're out of ammo! This forces you to experiment with different arms that are littered throughout the battlefield..........brilliant. The A.I. will also kick your ass by flanking you and making you leave your precious cover. Being chased out into the open where you'll surely be turned into man-mulch by the enemy is an adrenaline rush. (They are supposed to be even better at higher difficulty) I have yet to play any online modes, but I know I'll be ready to once the campaign is over. So far it's fun, fun, fun, till your daddy takes your six-axis away! An exclusive game like this is the reason I'm a PS3 owner. Nuff said. Read more...

First Impressions - Splinter Cell: Double Agent

Yes, I’m a bit late to the party on this one. Over two years late, actually. But I turned on Splinter Cell: Double Agent tonight for the first time, and it instantly brought back memories from the very first game in the series. I only played the second and third games briefly; in fact, I played so little that I can’t even tell you if they were good or not. But when the original Splinter Cell came out, I remember being absolutely floored by what I was looking at. The only other stealth games I’d ever played at that point were Metal Gear Solid and its sequel, Sons of Liberty. The difference between the two series was astounding to me, and more specifically, the realism Splinter Cell had on display was something I’d never seen in a game before. Darkness was my ally, and skulking through the shadows like a vampire on the prowl was truly an exhilarating experience. Looking back, I really wish I had hunkered down and completed Pandora Tomorrow and Chaos Theory. Maybe my I’ll go back to them at some point, but I have a sneaking suspicion (sneaking, ha) that after playing Double Agent, they won’t hold up quite so well.

The first mission of Double Agent instantly brought me back to 2002; it was like getting reacquainted with an old friend I hadn’t seen for years. Even though this was my first foray into Third Echelon’s chain of command since before I was of legal drinking age, I almost reflexively remembered what the game was about. Infiltration still works pretty much the same, and once I surfaced from my underwater sneaking point, I immediately put the first person I came across in a fantastic choke hold and read him a nice little bedtime story. One thing I noticed right away was even though this game is almost three years old, it still looks really great. The animations are particularly awesome to watch, and since I’ll be spending a lot of time shimmying across ledges and pulling myself over railings, the fact that Sam Fisher moves so smoothly won’t go unappreciated. One new addition to the formula this time around was the partner Sam had with him at the beginning of the mission. He was totally green, and eventually got himself killed by running into a room full of bad guys like a retard. I guess, then, it didn’t really add anything to my experience, but I know you can play some co-op missions, so I still have that to look forward to (if anyone is still playing this game, that is). The end of the first mission had me stopping a missile launch by basically putting a cork in the top of it and letting it blow itself up. It was a bit anti-climactic, though, since I just hopped in a helicopter and flew away without seeing any big explosions or anything. Big explosions equal big fun to the part of my brain that enjoys that sort of thing (the same part that still laughs at fart jokes, I think). Regardless, the first mission was pretty brief, but it served its purpose in making me remember what I loved so much about the series. But then, the second mission began.


Here’s where Double Agent departs from the previous games pretty drastically. For story reasons (I’ll get to that in a moment), Sam takes on a ridiculously dangerous mission which involves helping a member of a terrorist cell escape prison. His ultimate goal is to infiltrate the ranks of the cell and, um, probably stop them from doing whatever it is they’re doing. I’m not sure what that is just yet, but it probably involves big explosions and lots of anti-American stuff. So, yea…screw them. Aside from the plot, the gameplay also switches into a gear this series hasn’t used before. The mission starts off with Sam in prison, as just another inmate among the countless probable assholes hanging around the place. And right off the bat, I was tasked with starting a riot and helping that dirty terrorist escape. Fortunately, Sam had been digging a hole through his cell wall, so I used that to access the ventilation shaft above me and made my way to the guard room. I jumped down into the room and proceeded to elbow the guard in the face, which is my way of playing the “what’s that on your nose?” game. I then opened all the prisoners’ cell doors and threw smoke grenades everywhere to aid in their rather chaotic break. Here’s where I noticed something that might annoy me as I get further in the game: there’s two meters on the hud – one for JSA (the terrorist cell), and one for NSA (Sam’s organization). The more I help the bad guys by knocking out guards and the like, the more the meter for JSA goes up and NSA goes down. It’s a good idea, but it seemed like I was only able to take out a few guards before I apparently became untrustworthy, and I failed the mission. Maybe it’s just me, but if my goal is to get this dude out of prison and find out what his group is up to, I don’t think sucker-punching a bunch of security guards would put me out of the NSA’s good graces. It’s a much better alternative to them being shot in the head by the real terrorists, or so I would have thought. I hope the game becomes a little more lenient; otherwise it might become frustrating having to balance my decisions according to a really stringent trust-based system.

I haven’t finished this mission yet, so I guess I’ll have to wait and see how that mechanic plays out. But so far, I’m really enjoying the new gameplay elements Double Agent is introducing, and I’m actually interested in where the story is going to go. Speaking of story, I can’t say it’s off to the greatest of starts. The reason Sam took such a dangerous mission is because right after the game’s first mission, he learns his daughter was killed in some kind of car accident. He becomes a wreck, and feels he doesn’t have much left to live for so he takes on the most dangerous assignment possible. It sounds great, but it was all set up way too fast. When I got into the helicopter at the end of the first mission, Lambert (the guy that always talks to Sam in his com) just starts narrating what happened, and says Sam “didn’t take it very well.” So I then get to see about ten seconds of Sam punching a mirror and starting a fight with someone, and then all of a sudden I’m on my next mission. It didn’t do a very good job of eliciting any kind of emotional response from me, because everything was explained to me in the span of about 30 seconds, and that’s it. However, I still think the different direction the story takes, coupled with the new way of handling stealth mechanics, just might give me an experience wholly new from that of the first Splinter Cell. I’ll keep you posted as I progress through the game, and I’ll plan on giving my final thoughts once I complete the game. So far, so good. Read more...

First Impressions - Siren: New Translation

Much to my delight, I recently received my hard copy of Siren: New Translation in the mail. You see, I had to import the damn thing since Sony seems to be hell-bent on pissing off at least some people all of the time. Anyways, now I can play it, which makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I actually played the demo when it first arrived in the Japanese store, but for whatever reason, it didn’t instantly grab me the way the final product did. Maybe I just wasn’t in a survival horror mood, or I could have been in the middle of playing a bunch of other stuff – who knows. But for a first impression, the Siren I’m playing now nailed it from the get-go.

The game starts off with a suitably creepy home video-like perspective of some bizarre killings being performed by people in hooded clothing. The people behind the camera are part of a news crew who are on a supposedly deserted island in Japan. Why they’re there, I’m not really sure at this point. What I do know is that they soon find themselves on the run from the disturbing locals, and they’re none too happy about it. The game takes a really interesting approach in the way its levels are spread out – each chapter is broken up into episodes, just like a TV show, and so far each episode lasts between 5 - 15 minutes. You play as different characters, and switching between them during the episodes gives a unique perspective to the way the story plays out. One episode has you playing as a high school student, while another starts you off as one of the TV crewmen. Each person seems to play the same, but I’m guessing the developers opted for multiple characters as a way of fleshing out the story in an interesting and different way than what's normally seen from games in this genre (or any genre, for that matter).


With Siren being a survival horror game, the atmosphere needs to have a certain dread in the air, and it certainly has that in spades. Some of the characters carry flashlights, but even with them turned on, you can’t see very far in front of you. Everything is near pitch-black, and ambient noises from within the blackness surrounding you add to the creepy-as-shit vibe the game has going for it. You can also hear the mumblings and crazy laughter from the zombie-like enemies in every direction, and a lot of the time you don’t know where they are until you’re right on top of them. That is, until you get the “sight-jacking” ability. “Sight jacking” allows you to see from the enemies’ perspectives, and the mechanic is implemented with a vertical split-screen – the normal third-person view of your character on the left, and the first-person viewpoint of an enemy on the right. You might think it would get confusing, but I found it to be a really cool effect, and it’s also pretty damn useful. I used it one time to wait for a guy to turn a corner, and as he walked away, I beat him about ten times in the back of the head with a shovel. It was awesome. That’s not to say you can run around beating people with gardening tools all the time – your best bet is to avoid contact as much as possible, because they can fuck you up pretty bad if they get a chance. When you’re nearby an enemy, the controller vibrates a bit and you can hear a heartbeat sound that can only mean bad things. Once they’ve spotted you, the screen turns all kinds of trippy colors, and pants are shat as you run away like a little girl. By “you,” I mean me. And by “run away like a little girl,” I mean just that. What you often find yourself doing is running into a house to hide in the closet or under a bed or something. Your pursuer follows you, and you can see them searching for you from the safety (or lack thereof) of your hiding spot. Once they leave, it’s up to you to either stay put or book it the fuck out of there. So far every encounter like that has been insanely tense, and I can’t see the mechanic wearing thin any time soon.

Overall, Siren has really impressed me. I wasn’t sure how it would fare, since I actually have the original PS2 version of the game, and I found it really hard to control. The controls in the new version still hamper your movement in a lot of regards, but not to the point of the fun being taken away. I’m a firm believer that for a survival horror game to be genuinely effective, you have to feel – at least on some level – totally helpless. Siren does just that, and if the suspense can sustain itself over the course of the entire game, I might have just found my new favorite series. Fatal Frame is one of my all-time favorites, but the next entry is on the Wii, so fuck that. Luckily for me, Siren seems able enough to take the place of that once great franchise, and gives me a new reason to turn the lights off again.
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Killzone 2 Demo Impressions: A Very Short, Very Sweet Example of PS3 Development Perfection

It happens by simple chance that I had the privilege of playing through the official Killzone 2 demo (several times). After having a rather pointless conversation about arcade sticks for Street Fighter IV with a local GameStop rep, he ended up offering me one of the download codes for Killzone 2 preorders, with the great exception that he didn’t make me preorder. Free Killzone 2 demo? Sure, why not!

Before saying anything about my actual impressions of the demo, let me say that if you plan on getting this demo early with any amount of anticipation, you should know that it is short. Very short. I don’t think it would be unreasonable for me to say that it might be one of the shortest demos ever produced, for any platform. My first run through the demo took me only 10 minutes and 30 seconds (it will actually provide you a completion time), and it even felt like a short 10 minutes at that.

The demo’s ten minutes basically consist of you storming along a short beach front, and then taking an elevator up into a storage hanger to fight off a few rounds of Helghast soldiers. One that’s over, the demo ends, and you’re simply left with a lingering of wanting more.

That probably works to the developers’ advantage as far as marketing goes, because now I totally want this game on launch day.

After you play the demo, so will you.

That's because what the demo lacks in quantity, it more than makes up for in demonstrative power and quality. Immediately upon booting up the demo and opening cinematic, you will be given a glimpse of in-game graphics posing as a cinematic. Yes, that is correct, I did not write that backwards. After the initial E3 trailer for Killzone 2 came out a few years ago, and touted that the video on screen was in-game graphics, there was a lot of skepticism from a lot of people who weren’t ready to believe it. Now, having experienced the demo, I can safely say that it was all true.

Without a doubt, this game speaks to the development potential that is just now finally being utilized from the PS3’s hardware. If this game is any indication, we have barely seen the beginning of what the PS3 can do, when the system is chosen as the lead platform.

You begin the demo on a flying drop-ship, which is carrying you and several of your soldier brothers towards a war-torn beach, as you witness some of the other drop ships getting blown up and narrowly missing yours as they fall from the sky. As the flying “boat” lands on the beach, one of your fellow soldiers yells at you to get up, and suddenly your HUD appears with gun in hand, and you’re in control. Similar to Metal Gear Solid 4 in the way the game seamlessly transitions from cinematic to gameplay, Killzone 2 never deceives you away from the game engine. There is one exception: Killzone 2 looks even better than MGS4. No, the facial animations might not be quite as robust, but the in game environments and sheer amount of activity on-screen easily outweighs Kojima’s opus.

One thing of note: During my first play-through, I wasn’t immediately blown away by the game’s visuals. At first, I simply just felt they were great, but there wasn’t that initial shock and awe that I was expecting. Then on my second play-through, I realized that the reason I wasn’t blown away was because I had already seen the E3 trailer for Killzone 2, and this looked exactly like it. So in that way, the game’s visuals meet expectations, and actually exceed them at the same time. You will also really notice the difference once you play Killzone 2 a few times, and then try and go back and play another FPS, like Call of Duty. The visuals in Killzone 2 really outclass everything else that’s come before it.

The gunplay has a very different feel from other console shooters. Unlike Call of Duty or Halo, where control and gun response is immediate and fast, Killzone 2 offers a very deliberate weight and delay system to looking and aiming, which adds a sense of realism by accounting for gun weight and movement delay. It will take some time for newcomers to adjust to the changes (especially if you’ve been sinking a lot of time into COD World at War’s multiplayer lately, as I have), but once you get a feel for it, you will be surprised at how “arcadey” and unrealistic the movement in other FPS games feels when compared to Killzone 2. It has similar aiming mechanics to Call of Duty, with the ability to both fire from the hip as well as aiming down the sights, and there are several control options available to where you can even configure the game to share the same button layout as Call of Duty if you’ve already grown accustomed to that.

What remains to be seen is how robust the multiplayer options end up being in the final product. So far, it essentially sounds like a blending of all the previous multiplayer experiences ever made into one game mode. Whether that will make for the most brilliant multiplayer game ever made or a haphazard stumbling of multiplayer chaos will only come with time.

Look for my full review of Killzone 2 shortly after its launch. Read more...

First Impressions: Tales of Vesperia (Xbox 360)

For the most part, I'm a firm believer that if a game doesn't grab you in the first few hours, it's time to collect your ass and move on. More than once I've waded through the beginnings of heralded j-rpg's, just to find myself saying, "Well, that was just stupid." Girl with bunny ears? "Stupid." Twelve year-old moron yearning for self discovery? "Fucking stupid." Whatever I might think of the genre, it is populated with the above examples to a disappointing degree. The closest I've come to actually enjoying myself was with last year's Lost Odyssey, but eventually the turn-based combat drilled a hole in my face and I could no longer continue playing due to massive blood loss. It's too bad, really, because I thought the story had promise. I'm not a big fan of amnesia (if you don't know who you are, you can fuck off), but Mistwalker seemed to be creating something that wasn't going to tank itself halfway through.


I didn't forget the title of this post; I just think that in order for me to explain what I love about games, I also have to explain what I hate. And, if you're Lost Odyssey, what could have been good, if not for the painfully old-school combat. So, these are my two criteria for playing and enjoying an RPG:


1 ) No annoying crap characters that I would rather use their skin for lamp shades than listen to them blather on about blah-de-blah; fuck off.

2 ) Updated combat. I understand there are a lot of people who enjoy turn-based combat. I'm just not one of them. That's the end of that story.


So, Tales of Vesperia. I got burned before with Eternal Sonata, so I wasn't initially looking forward to this. I've never played any of the Tales games, and in a strictly aestethic sense, it looked like another Sonata.

Well, I was wrong.

The first thing that impressed me was how clean and crisp everything looked. It's one of those art styles that will still have girls blushing ten years from now. Very sexy. After my initial fawning period was over and I started learning what the story entailed, I discovered something previously thought of as myth: I'm not playing as some douche who couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground. It's an adult story about adults, doing things adults would do in an adult world. I hate kids, by the way. At least the ones who think they're mages or warriors. There is a kid in Vesperia who could easily have been annoying as shit, but thankfully, he's toned down enough to where he doesn't bother me. It's too bad there's no option for Japanese dialogue, but the English cast does a decent job. I like the conversations the two main characters(so far) have with each other, and nothing feels forced or badly translated. Plus your dog smokes a pipe. That's called Instant Awesome.




The combat is equally as promising as the story. Gone is the watch-me-as-I-do-this-totally-magical-attack-to-your-face-while-you-stand-there-like-an-idiot style. No, here you'll have to move around in real-time while your enemies do the same. And unlike Eternal Sonata, there's no action meter, so you can move about for as long as you want. There are a few attack buttons that do different things, as well as a block and jump button. Depending on the weapon you're using, you can learn new abilities and skills as you go along. I haven't dug too deep into the combat system yet, so that's pretty much the height of my knowledge at this point. Regardless, it's fun and satisfying to get a ten-hit combo going and finish a battle in under five seconds (which, yes, I Have Done).


I'm only about six hours in as of last night, but I'll make more posts about my progress as I go along. I kind of wish I'd played some of the Tales games before, but at least now I can go back and see what I missed out on. If they're anything like Vesperia, I'll gladly pick up some used copies.


( I'll put up some media later, probably once I'm set up to capture video. ) Read more...